Poetry? ?

Where does the rain come from..
Why does it have to fall?

I miss the warmth of the sun on my face...
I miss the blue of the sky...

Where does the rain come from?
Why does if all on me?

I miss feeling someones arms around me...
I miss knowing someone cares...

Where does the rain come from?
Why wont it just let me be?

I miss the laughter and joy in my life...
I miss feeling that everything is alright...

Where does the rain come from?
Why does if never stop?

MR'08

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I woke up one morning
Just to realize

Everything I believed in
As a child,

Was not only
My imagination,

But a complete waste
of time.

Melting Popsicles on
A hot summer day,

Kites high in the sky
blowing in the wind.

Puppies and kittens nipping
at my heels.

Some things can only be enjoyed
as a child.

I woke up one morning
put on my suit..

Drove to a job that
I hate.

Is this what happiness is
supposed to be?

A paycheck that never
seems to be enough..

So far in debt my children
will be broke.

Why cant we go back to
Popsicles and kites?

Why must everything be
so difficult?

I woke up one morning
and realized...

This is how it
MUST BE.

MR'08
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L-O-V-E
an emotion we have been programmed to need?

With our without provocation..
Is is something we think we must feel...

Why is this?
Is it something that has filled generations?

Or something that left a hole in all of us?
Something we have tried to fill with our idea of love?

Something that babies come into this world needing,
And old people die never feeling?

What is it about love that seems to bridge gaps?
In age... race... language?

Without it, would we really be an less off?
Or is it the very thing that holds us together?

Like an internal glue, poured into our very souls...
L-O-V-E?

Where did it come from?
Why do I feel I need it in my life?

MR'09

New Year... New Post

So I haven't had much on my mind to "blog" about or so I thought... I am usually overflowing with "tidbits" of random knowledge or insight that I feel I just have to share, and I haven't had that feeling in awhile. Then yesterday I am sitting at Razzoo's eating lunch with Mom and Dad and WHAM! it hits me like a ton of bricks... I haven't been happy. When I'm not happy I don't sit around thinking deeply and feeling spunky... Of course at the time I thought I was the happiest woman in the world.. I had "love", attention, all the perks that make life worthwhile..

I have actually been in a fog for over a month. Feeling lost and alone.. somewhat helpless.. (A state which threw myself headlong into knowing full well it WAS NOT the right thing to do) When I moved back home, I just knew life was going to go right back to the way it was... me going full tilt 110% of the time. Having fun, living life... doing whatever it is that I seem to do best. Yesterday morning Bro. Hargrove was preaching and I went "uh DUH! that's my problem!" Not only have I not been committed to Him, I have been living with blinders on to avoid looking at Him. You know the feeling... "Lord I know your out there and I know I'm not in your will, but as long as I don't confess it to You, myself, or anyone else.. its not really a problem.."

wrong!

Things just kept building and building after what seemed like an eternity, Bro. Hargrove asked us to pray for our neighbors and as soon as Amanda laid her hand on me and started praying I felt like I had to move.. Being at the back just wasn't where He wanted me.. Needless to say I did a quit shuck and dive and made my way right up the center isle to the front, lifted my hands and... ... ... .. NOTHING!

OH dear God.. Had I missed something? Was the feeling I felt not from Him, but from something else? I didn't move though. I kept right on praying... struggling to find a shred of hope for me and my life... finally it came, and boy did it feel good. I haven't cried like that in months! I felt so cleansed and renewed.

But of course today has been one of the worst days.... I had a conversation I didn't want to have, but knew I had to, felt depressed and wanted to cry about everything.. Isn't that how it always seems to go? You finally get the answer your seeking... hear His voice... and the next day the whole world lands on top of you, full throttle...

Please don't misconstrue what I'm saying.. I am not begging for a pity party or a hug. I just needed to put this out somewhere in the hopes that someone has been where I am. I have had a song stuck in my head for days now and it goes like this "What God has for me, it is for me" For some reason it hits home.. something that simple.. what God has for me.. its for me! Not someone else.. its been mine the whole time. I haven't gotten it all yet cause I haven't used what he gave me to begin with!

Ok so as I step calmly and peacefully off my soapbox, let me just say this... If He never does another thing for me, I am His. If I never get another blessing, I am His. If I never feel Him again, I am His... this isn't a halfway thing for me anymore. I am going hard, or going home!! I just hope I haven't ran to long from His calling... I'm just a little like Jonah. :) Some people have to learn the hard way.. I'm the type of girl who has to find out for herself!

Glazed.......

I was sitting here tonight wondering why people always feel the need to try something other than what they have… a 2009 Chevy when the 2006 they have works perfectly fine? Why try the new Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper knowing full well that nothing can ever replace the taste of regular D.P.? The answer most people will give you is to expand their horizons…. Cause if you don't try it, you will never know, right?

While I, for one, am open to trying the newest fad in soft drinks, test driving whatever the hottest car out might be… even wearing something I might not have been caught dead in 2 yrs ago.. There is one area in my life where I am not willing to settle for something "newer", something "more up to date"…. What is this you ask?

GOD.

Simple isn't it? If He was the beginning and ending for people 2000 years ago… why isn't He good enough for people today? He has been running water to the Israelites, light to the Hebrews, a burning bush to Moses, and a Savior to all. So why shouldn't He be our "iPhone"? our "Bentley"? Our one thing, we just cant seem to live without?

The answer is as simple as the question… We live in a Krispy Kreme world. A lovely place, where if you want a raspberry swirl donut with chocolate icing and sprinkles.. you can have it. All you have to do is dream it up, or ask around and the "right choice" seems to appear out of no where. But the thing I have noticed is the people, that no matter what options are out there.. how many flavors they might have, always go with the original glazed.

So let me send this question out into the void… "What is He to you? Flavor of the week? Or the Original that cannot be equaled?"

I've made my choice..

Crystal or Cracked China?

Since everyone on here seems to be blogging about things that are on their mind, I thought I would follow suit. For a few years now I have had a thought running through my head and I think its finally time I share it with whom ever might be reading this... There is no telling how it might reach, so here it goes...

How many times have we read the Bible and read and reread the scriptures about the Gift of the Holy Ghost? I am sure it went in one ear and out the other, so to speak. Preachers have taught on it, Teachers have singled it out for Sunday School lessons.. and still it never really hit home.. until one day..

Most of us have been given the Gift of the Holy Ghost, so why is it most never use it? How do you use it, you ask? Let me put it to you this way..some people choose to accept their gift, then promptly put it up on a high shelf, but never open it. Others accept it, open it.. but in the end, still set it on a shelf. So few open their Gift, and immediately put it to use. I know that I am as guilty as the next person... I happily accepted my Gift, opened it, showed it off.. then put it on a shelf. It can be seen, and to the naked eye all may appear normal.

So many christians are like beautiful china vases... on the outside they appear flawless. Perfect in the way they are made, they serve their God given purpose, but if you could ever see inside they are completely empty. There is nothing inside to fill up the dark hole. It's almost as if people are afraid to use their china (their Gift). What good is it if it just sits there? Sure its pretty to look as, but is it serving its purpose? If you just leaving it on a shelf, that's all it is. A decoration. God doesn't want us to be just a decoration for Him. He wants us chipped,maybe have a crack or two, something He can use every day. Why can't we be more like crystal? Transparent.. where He can shine through. Where people can clearly see whats on the inside, and the out...

So why do people run from the gifts God gave them? Why do we put them up on that high shelf, and never think about using them except for an occassional dusting?

Here is some food for thought:

1 Corinthians 12:12 - For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. (13) - For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. (14) - For the body is not one member, but many. (15) - If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? (16) - And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? (17) - If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? (18)- But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.

1 Corinthians 12:21 - And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. (22) - Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary (23) - And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.


Romans 12:5 - So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. (6) - Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; (7) - Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;


Ephesians 4:11 - And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; (12) - For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:


I know this may seem like ramblings, and I tried hard to get my thoughts across so people could understand whats been on my mind. :) Please feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, scriptures, ramblings.. whatever with me.